I had lived at home with my husband and daughter for over 20 years, as our daughter started growing up different, hurtful comments and behaviour slowly started to appear.

As our daughter came to the age to start secondary school, the hurtful comments my husband would make about me, became more and more often, he would criticise my cooking, appearance, my poor ability at work, and ended up cutting us off from my family and friends.  He started to treat my daughter was the same way. My husband had a very quick temper, and had been aggressive to me on a couple if occasions when I was younger. 

I knew this behaviour was not right, but he would make me feel guilty, and would blame him his behaviour on "feeling depressed".  He would not attend doctors’ appointments even when I had made them. The violence and verbal abuse got worse and worse, and I was not able to drive due to a medical condition.

My husband would lock the gate to our house, not allow our phone to be repaired, refused to have the internet connected the whole time our daughter was in school.

His anger and verbal abuse then turned more to my daughter, and I tried to stand up to him to protect her.  My daughter feared him, and was so deeply sad and afraid of him. He made her have 2 part time jobs, attend a university course she did not want to do, and when my monthly wages had run out after paying bills, made to feel guilty and to pay bills at home.   Our daughter also had to do the outside work with the animals, 7 days a week, while he would watch and just make comments.

I eventually broke down in work, and 2 friends at work help myself and my daughter get away and I contacted CarmDAS.

"I knew his behaviour was not right, but he would make me feel guilty"

The help and support I and my daughter have received from CarmDAS has been so supportive, helping regain control over our lives and start to move on, and live happy lives, able to choose what to do, with no pressure or comments. We are both learning that we can have our own opinion and it is OK to express these opinions. My daughter and I would always make excuses for his behaviour, through guilt, I was made to believe I had caused my husband’s depression, which never was the case, as he did not suffer from depression.  

I would like to thank the whole team but especially my case worker who is always there for a chat if I start to feel unsure, and struggle a bit. Recently losing my Mother, I found myself picking up the phone and turning to the team again, my daughter and I feel so lucky to have the support to give us strength, to continue going, and feel proud of the progress we have made, and know the team are there whenever we need them. Thank you.

If this sounds similar to what you are experiencing or if you think you are in an abusive relationship then please call us on 01267 238410